Top Hat Tap Dance» lists at Top Hat Tap Dance | A Humor Site | Rants, Illustrations and More from Comedy Writers http://tophattapdance.com Sun, 08 Aug 2010 16:45:12 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 That’s What My Dryer Vent Cleaner Said http://tophattapdance.com/lists/thats-what-my-dryer-vent-cleaner-said/ http://tophattapdance.com/lists/thats-what-my-dryer-vent-cleaner-said/#comments Sat, 13 Feb 2010 00:54:59 +0000 tophattapdance http://tophattapdance.com/?p=352 Poke it in and then angle it up.

Come down and do it about 4 or 5 times.

Count to 40 and then turn it on. Turn it off!

Just keep smashing it in there.

Feel that heat?

]]> http://tophattapdance.com/lists/thats-what-my-dryer-vent-cleaner-said/feed/ 0 Owl City Lyrics or Really Bad Songwriting? http://tophattapdance.com/lists/owl-city-lyrics-or-really-bad-songwriting/ http://tophattapdance.com/lists/owl-city-lyrics-or-really-bad-songwriting/#comments Thu, 22 Oct 2009 16:04:17 +0000 tophattapdance http://tophattapdance.com/?p=329 1.

You would not believe your eyes
If ten million fireflies
Lit up the world as I fell asleep
Cause they fill the open air
And leave teardrops everywhere

2.

I’d like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It’s hard to say that I’d
Rather stay awake when I’m asleep
Because my dreams are bursting at the seams

3.

If the bombs go off
The sun will still be shining
Because we’ve heard it said that every mushroom cloud
Has a silver lining

4.

High rise, veins of the avenue
Bright eyes and subtle variations of blue
Everywhere is balanced there like a rainbow above you

5.

It makes me smile because you said it best
I would clearly feel blessed if the sun rose up from the west
Flower bomb perfume
All my clothes smell like you cause your favorite shade is navy blue

Answers:
Owl City lyrics: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5
Really bad songwriting: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

by Hansel McRobertsworth

]]> http://tophattapdance.com/lists/owl-city-lyrics-or-really-bad-songwriting/feed/ 0 Where the Wild Things Are http://tophattapdance.com/lists/where-the-wild-things-are/ http://tophattapdance.com/lists/where-the-wild-things-are/#comments Wed, 14 Oct 2009 21:23:51 +0000 tophattapdance http://tophattapdance.com/?p=319 Tonight at 8pm on Animal Planet

On a DVD stashed under your son’s mattress

The Peruvian Amazon

In that man’s pants, as suggested by the arrow on his wacky T-shirt

In a forced conversation about childhood nostalgia

by Kristin Hillery

]]> http://tophattapdance.com/lists/where-the-wild-things-are/feed/ 2 Rejected Biker Gang Names http://tophattapdance.com/lists/rejected-biker-gang-names/ http://tophattapdance.com/lists/rejected-biker-gang-names/#comments Thu, 08 Oct 2009 15:25:32 +0000 tophattapdance http://tophattapdance.com/?p=307 1. In-Laws
2. Mel’s Angels
3. Quakers
4. Jodidos
5. Guardians of Being
6. Kangols

by J.D. Smith

]]> http://tophattapdance.com/lists/rejected-biker-gang-names/feed/ 2 Post-Grad Dr. Seuss Books http://tophattapdance.com/lists/post-grad-dr-seuss-books/ http://tophattapdance.com/lists/post-grad-dr-seuss-books/#comments Mon, 28 Sep 2009 21:24:47 +0000 tophattapdance http://tophattapdance.com/?p=271 Oh the Places You’ll Do Blow!
Horton Hears His Roommate Having Sex
Mr. Brown Can Claim Unemployment, Can You?
And To Think That I Woke Up on Mulberry Street
The Twitter Battle Book
On Beyond Zeta Phi Beta!
Green Eggs and Ramen
I Had Trouble in Getting a Reference from Solla Sollew
Fox in Socks Intoxicated
One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Mercury Poisoning
How the Grinch Got Everybody Gift Certificates
The Cat and the LSAT

by Jamie King

]]> http://tophattapdance.com/lists/post-grad-dr-seuss-books/feed/ 1 Reality Horror Shows http://tophattapdance.com/lists/reality-horror-shows/ http://tophattapdance.com/lists/reality-horror-shows/#comments Wed, 23 Sep 2009 17:38:06 +0000 tophattapdance http://tophattapdance.com/?p=229 Flip This House of Wax
Project Run Away
So You Think You’re Possessed
Joe Zombie
Hellraiser’s Kitchen
Man Vs. Candyman
Queer Eye for the Fly
Keeping Up With the Kruegers
Flavor of the Living Dead
Big, Physically Abusive Brother
The Real World: Crystal Lake
Survivor: Apocalypse

by Jamie King

]]> http://tophattapdance.com/lists/reality-horror-shows/feed/ 1 Now Playing http://tophattapdance.com/lists/now-playing/ http://tophattapdance.com/lists/now-playing/#comments Tue, 22 Sep 2009 18:32:21 +0000 tophattapdance http://tophattapdance.com/?p=232 CGI: WTF

Product Placement Overdrive

Almost Straight to Video Rom-Com

Serious English Actor Goes for Action Film Payday

Tyler Perry Again Gets Way, Way, Way More than His Money’s Worth Out of that Friggin’ Dress

Documentary Attended by People with Prim Expressions and NPR Tote Bags

That French Flick with Subtitles and Bare Ta-Tas

What the Makers Insist on Calling a Film, Based on a/an (check all that apply):
a. Toy
b. Video game
c. Saturday morning cartoon
d. Amusement park ride

100 Minutes of Leering at Megan Fox, Whom You Will Never Meet, Let Alone Get With

Feature Actually Conceived in a Screenwriter’s Mind Rather than a Boardroom, or “The Fluke”

by J.D. Smith

]]> http://tophattapdance.com/lists/now-playing/feed/ 0 New Phobias http://tophattapdance.com/lists/new-phobias/ http://tophattapdance.com/lists/new-phobias/#comments Sat, 19 Sep 2009 19:05:16 +0000 tophattapdance http://tophattapdance.com/?p=260 Creative Commons licensed - by Hank Ryan

Creative Commons licensed - by Hank Ryan

Deniophobia – Fear of someone refusing your friend request
Omguhohphobia – Fear of dropping your iPhone in the toilet while texting and urinating
Packyourknivesandgophobia – Fear of being voted out of your job, relationship or family
Didyoumeanophobia - Fear of Googling yourself and receiving no results
Untaggophobia – Fear of appearing on the internet without your approval
Tweetophobia – Fear of speaking more than 140 words at one time
Salomonophobia – Fear of appearing in a sex tape
Flavoraphobia – Fear of someday being forced to marry Flavor Flav on television
Lolophobia – Fear of being required to communicate in acronyms you do not understand

by Jamie King

]]> http://tophattapdance.com/lists/new-phobias/feed/ 0 My Favorite Copycat Marketing Slogans http://tophattapdance.com/lists/my-favorite-copycat-marketing-slogans/ http://tophattapdance.com/lists/my-favorite-copycat-marketing-slogans/#comments Thu, 17 Sep 2009 16:36:00 +0000 admin http://tophattapdance.com/?p=248
  • “Give a fulk! Buy in bulk!” —Costco
  • “Wood to the last flop” —Viagra (Pfizer)
  • “We sing good things to fife” –Western Massachusetts Colonial Fife Chorus
  • “You’re not fully clean until you’re deloused-in-a-high-pressure-bleach-spray-fully clean” —The High-Pressure Bleach Spray Council
  • “Where’s the queef?” —QueefCorp, a division of Amalgamated Genital Flatulae Industries, Inc.

    • by Admiral Thaddius Dance IV

    ]]>     http://tophattapdance.com/lists/my-favorite-copycat-marketing-slogans/feed/ 0     Rejected Horror Film Pitches http://tophattapdance.com/lists/rejected-horror-film-pitches/ http://tophattapdance.com/lists/rejected-horror-film-pitches/#comments Tue, 15 Sep 2009 13:00:46 +0000 tophattapdance http://tophattapdance.com/?p=203 Earwigs!

    The Hills Have Thighs

    Rosemary’s Scabies

    Night of the Marimbas

    Bronchitis Part Two: Relapse

    Frank N. Stein, Certified Public Accountant

    Vegan Zombies of Sausalito

    The Shortening

    by J.D. Smith

    ]]>     http://tophattapdance.com/lists/rejected-horror-film-pitches/feed/ 1