Replies

1) Broke the world record for saying “I’m seriously considering law school.”

2) Watched seasons 1-5 of The Wire.

3) Explained to people that although my degree is in English, dentist
I don’t want to be a teacher.

4) Realized that regularly using the word “pedantic” is pedantic. And douchey.

5) Lectured on the socioeconomic themes and use of heteroglossia found in Wuthering Heights to no one in particular.

6) Despite No. 3, cialis occasionally browsed the Internet for teaching positions in inner-city communities that don’t require certification. Or Europe.

7) Found evidence of the deterioration of the post-postmodern novel on the back of the Fruit Loops box.
Taken full advantage of the McRib before it goes back in the Disney Vault.

9) Used my paper on Xenophon’s The Education of Cyrus as an example of one experience that has adequately prepared me to sell insurance, sir.

10) Became a printing press operator.

by Dan Rozier
1. Broke the world record for saying “I’m seriously considering law school.”

2. Watched seasons 1-5 of The Wire.

3. Explained to people that although my degree is in English, information pills
I don’t want to be a teacher.

4. Realized that regularly using the word “pedantic” is pedantic. And douchey.

5. Lectured on the socioeconomic themes and use of heteroglossia found in Wuthering Heights to no one in particular.

6. Despite No. 3, viagra
occasionally browsed the Internet for teaching positions in inner-city communities that don’t require certification. Or Europe.

7. Found evidence of the deterioration of the post-postmodern novel on the back of the Fruit Loops box.

8. Taken full advantage of the McRib before it goes back in the Disney Vault.

9. Used my paper on Xenophon’s The Education of Cyrus as an example of one experience that has adequately prepared me to sell insurance, sir.

10. Became a printing press operator.

by Dan Rozier
A. It’s way too hard. Let it sit out for 20 to 30 minutes.

B. Oh my God! That was so moist and delicious!

C. These stretch marks on your loaf are no good.

D. Looks like the creaming needs to happen more on your filling.

E. A few drops of lemon juice would balance the saltiness of your sauce.

F. It’s… rubbery. The texture isn’t what I was looking for.

G. Can you french this breast?

In school: A, unhealthy
B, C, D, E, F, G
When freaky: A, B, C, D, E, F, G

Replies

1. Broke the world record for saying “I’m seriously considering law school.”

2. Watched seasons 1-5 of The Wire.

3. Explained to people that although my degree is in English, ailment I don’t want to be a teacher.

4. Realized that regularly using the word “pedantic” is pedantic. And douchey.

5. Lectured on the socioeconomic themes and use of heteroglossia found in Wuthering Heights to no one in particular.

6. Despite No. 3, generic
occasionally browsed the Internet for teaching positions in inner-city communities that don’t require certification. Or Europe.

7. Found evidence of the deterioration of the post-postmodern novel on the back of the Fruit Loops box.

8. Taken full advantage of the McRib before it goes back in the Disney Vault.

9. Used my paper on Xenophon’s The Education of Cyrus as an example of one experience that has adequately prepared me to sell insurance, sir.

10. Became a printing press operator.

by Dan Rozier

Come down and do it about 4 or 5 times.

Count to 40 and then turn it on. Turn it off!

Just keep smashing it in there.

Feel that heat?

You would not believe your eyes
If ten million fireflies
Lit up the world as I fell asleep
Cause they fill the open air
And leave teardrops everywhere

2.

I’d like to make myself believe
That planet Earth turns slowly
It’s hard to say that I’d
Rather stay awake when I’m asleep
Because my dreams are bursting at the seams

3.

If the bombs go off
The sun will still be shining
Because we’ve heard it said that every mushroom cloud
Has a silver lining

4.

High rise, sick veins of the avenue
Bright eyes and subtle variations of blue
Everywhere is balanced there like a rainbow above you

5.

It makes me smile because you said it best
I would clearly feel blessed if the sun rose up from the west
Flower bomb perfume
All my clothes smell like you cause your favorite shade is navy blue

Answers:
Owl City lyrics: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5
Really bad songwriting: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

by Hansel McRobertsworth

On a DVD stashed under your son’s mattress

The Peruvian Amazon

In that man’s pants, website as suggested by the arrow on his wacky T-shirt

In a forced conversation about childhood nostalgia

by Kristin Hillery

by J.D. Smith

by Jamie King
sildenafil
Copyright 2009″ width=”498″ height=”174″ />

by Todd Mein
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Copyright 2009″ width=”498″ height=”174″ />

by Todd Mein
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byTodd Mein
Oh the Places You’ll Do Blow!
Horton Hears His Roommate Having Sex
Mr. Brown Can Claim Unemployment, physician
Can You?
And To Think That I Woke Up on Mulberry Street
The Twitter Battle Book
On Beyond Zeta Phi Beta!
Green Eggs and Ramen
I Had Trouble in Getting a Reference from Solla Sollew
Fox in Socks Intoxicated
One Fish, clinic
Two Fish, Red Fish, Mercury Poisoning
How the Grinch Got Everybody Gift Certificates
The Cat and the LSAT

by Jamie King

by Jamie King

by Jamie King
CGI: WTF

Product Placement Overdrive

Almost Straight to Video Rom-Com

Serious English Actor Goes for Action Film Payday

Tyler Perry Again Gets Way, doctor Way, clinic Way More than His Money’s Worth Out of that Friggin’ Dress

Documentary Attended by People with Prim Expressions and NPR Tote Bags

That French Flick with Subtitles and Bare Ta-Tas

What the Makers Insist on Calling a Film, sovaldi Based on a/an (check all that apply):
a. Toy
b. Video game
c. Saturday morning cartoon
d. Amusement park ride

100 Minutes of Leering at Megan Fox, Whom You Will Never Meet, Let Alone Get With

Feature Actually Conceived in a Screenwriter’s Mind Rather than a Boardroom, or “The Fluke”

by J.D. Smith

Don't touch that. It's filled with staph. | photo by Greg Dunham

Have you gotten this new book? “Why Women Have Sex.” To get the answer, order 10, sildenafil 000 women were polled. But… all of them had a headache.

There’s a man in Thailand who’s keeping over 4, advice 000 scorpions in his home as pets. 4,000 scorpions. The guy’s wife is fine with it until they start nightly rehearsals of “Rock You Like a Hurricane.”

They’ve found dangerous staph germs at five different beaches on the West Coast. Pretty shocking, really — I didn’t know they were already filming another season of One Shot at Love.

Sleep-deprived doctors in Australia have been told to just drink up to six cups of coffee a day to stay awake. Luckily Starbucks is already out with a solution: IV Drip.

World’s oldest woman died at the age of 115 this week. Detroit breathed a sigh of relief, as the lifetime powertrain warranty on her Chrysler Sebring finally expired.

Guitar Hero 5 is coming out soon. Apparently you can use Kurt Cobain’s avatar to play any song. Yeah, Courtney Love and former Nirvana members are not happy about this — they feel it’s the latest in a string of insults to his memory, including Remington Never Fail Shotgun Shells, Smells Like Teen Spirit Deodorant, and Rape Me Brand Pepper Spray.

Disney World is going to get a “Fantasyland Facelift” — changes will be complete by 2013. While they’re in there, Jessica Rabbit will get vaginal rejuvenation.

Are you happy with your wireless connection? Well, don’t go to South Africa. A company found that a carrier pigeon delivers data much faster than the country’s leading internet service provider. This is bad news for many South African internet users, who will need to breed pigeons large enough to carry an entire Inglorious Basterds bittorrent.

by Hansel McRobertsworth

“My favorite TV show is cocaine.”

Jusss’anotha week and it’s time for yr dose of tr00f. Lis’n up & haig’n out: Isssss this_weex’ HPSTR 4CST

* MySpace: In, treatment but only if you’re using it ironically.
* Mario is a sellout, sale
but Luigi is totes indie.
* Totes are totes amazers.
* 30% chance of flaking the fuck out.
* Jeans tightness index: 37 microns per 1% body fat.

And donchuevah forget, oncologist
a hipster is a friend indied.

by Adam Avramescu
first published in That Other Paper – Creative Commons Attribution NonCommercial NoDerivs 3.0 license
photo by Pierre LaScott / illustration by Adam Avramescu
order Copyright 2009″ width=”453″ height=”181″ />

by Todd Mein

“My favorite TV show is cocaine.” photo by Pierre LaScott / illustration by Adam Avramescu

Jusss’anotha week and it’s time for yr dose of tr00f. Lis’n up & haig’n out: Isssss this_weex’

HPSTR 4CST

* MySpace: In, neurosurgeon
but only if you’re using it ironically.
* 100% chance of waiting too long for your coffee at Spider House.
* Mario is a sellout, but Luigi is totes indie.
* Totes are totes amazers.
* 30% chance of flaking the fuck out.
* Jeans tightness index: 37 microns per 1% body fat.

And donchuevah forget, a hipster is a friend indied.

by Adam Avramescu
first published in That Other Paper – Creative Commons Attribution NonCommercial NoDerivs 3.0 license

Jusss’anotha week and it’s time for yr dose of tr00f. Lis’n up & haig’n out: Isssss this_weex’

HPSTR 4CST

* MySpace: In, search but only if you’re using it ironically.
* 100% chance of waiting too long for your coffee at Spider House.
* Mario is a sellout, but Luigi is totes indie.
* Totes are totes amazers.
* 30% chance of flaking the fuck out.
* Jeans tightness index: 37 microns per 1% body fat.

And donchuevah forget, a hipster is a friend indied.

by Adam Avramescu
first published in That Other Paper – Creative Commons Attribution NonCommercial NoDerivs 3.0 license

“My favorite TV show is cocaine.” photo by Pierre LaScott / illustration by Adam Avramescu

Jusss’anotha week and it’s time for yr dose of tr00f. Lis’n up & haig’n out: Isssss this_weex’

HPSTR 4CST

* MySpace: In, capsule
but only if you’re using it ironically.
* 100% chance of waiting too long for your coffee at Spider House.
* Mario is a sellout, pills
but Luigi is totes indie.
* Totes are totes amazers.
* 30% chance of flaking the fuck out.
* Jeans tightness index: 37 microns per 1% body fat.

And donchuevah forget, a hipster is a friend indied.

by Adam Avramescu
first published in That Other Paper – Creative Commons Attribution NonCommercial NoDerivs 3.0 license

1. “Give a fulk! Buy in bulk!” —Costco
2. “Wood to the last flop” —Viagra (Pfizer)
3. “We sing good things to fife” –Western Massachusetts Colonial Fife Chorus
4. “You’re not fully clean until you’re deloused-in-a-high-pressure-bleach-spray-fully clean” —The High-Pressure Bleach Spray Council
5. “Where’s the queef?” —QueefCorp, a division of Amalgamated Genital Flatulae Industries, Inc.

by Admiral Thaddius Dance IV

Jusss’anotha week and it’s time for yr dose of tr00f. Lis’n up & haig’n out: Isssss this_weex’

HPSTR 4CST

* MySpace: In, sickness
but only if you’re using it ironically.
* 100% chance of waiting too long for your coffee at Spider House.
* Mario is a sellout, noun
but Luigi is totes indie.
* Totes are totes amazers.
* 30% chance of flaking the fuck out.
* Jeans tightness index: 37 microns per 1% body fat.

And donchuevah forget, a hipster is a friend indied.

by Adam Avramescu
first published in That Other Paper – Creative Commons Attribution NonCommercial NoDerivs 3.0 license

“My favorite TV show is cocaine.”

Jusss’anotha week and it’s time for yr dose of tr00f. Lis’n up & haig’n out: Isssss this_weex’ HPSTR 4CST

* MySpace: In, visit web
but only if you’re using it ironically.
* 100% chance of waiting too long for your coffee at Spider House.
* Mario is a sellout, no rx but Luigi is totes indie.
* Totes are totes amazers.
* 30% chance of flaking the fuck out.
* Jeans tightness index: 37 microns per 1% body fat.

And donchuevah forget, a hipster is a friend indied.

by Adam Avramescu
first published in That Other Paper – Creative Commons Attribution NonCommercial NoDerivs 3.0 license
photo by Pierre LaScott / illustration by Adam Avramescu

“My favorite TV show is cocaine.” photo by

Jusss’anotha week and it’s time for yr dose of tr00f. Lis’n up & haig’n out: Isssss this_weex’

HPSTR 4CST

* MySpace: In, salve
but only if you’re using it ironically.
* 100% chance of waiting too long for your coffee at Spider House.
* Mario is a sellout, pills
but Luigi is totes indie.
* Totes are totes amazers.
* 30% chance of flaking the fuck out.
* Jeans tightness index: 37 microns per 1% body fat.

And donchuevah forget, a hipster is a friend indied.

by Adam Avramescu
first published in That Other Paper – Creative Commons Attribution NonCommercial NoDerivs 3.0 license
photo by Pierre LaScott / illustration by Adam Avramescu

“My favorite TV show is cocaine.”

Jusss’anotha week and it’s time for yr dose of tr00f. Lis’n up & haig’n out: Isssss this_weex’

HPSTR 4CST

* MySpace: In, cheap
but only if you’re using it ironically.
* 100% chance of waiting too long for your coffee at Spider House.
* Mario is a sellout, what is ed
but Luigi is totes indie.
* Totes are totes amazers.
* 30% chance of flaking the fuck out.
* Jeans tightness index: 37 microns per 1% body fat.

And donchuevah forget, viagra sale
a hipster is a friend indied.

by Adam Avramescu
first published in That Other Paper – Creative Commons Attribution NonCommercial NoDerivs 3.0 license
photo by Pierre LaScott / illustration by Adam Avramescu

“My favorite TV show is cocaine.”

Jusss’anotha week and it’s time for yr dose of tr00f. Lis’n up & haig’n out: Isssss this_weex’

HPSTR 4CST

* MySpace: In, order
but only if you’re using it ironically.
* 100% chance of waiting too long for your coffee at Spider House.
* Mario is a sellout, syringe
but Luigi is totes indie.
* Totes are totes amazers.
* 30% chance of flaking the fuck out.
* Jeans tightness index: 37 microns per 1% body fat.

And donchuevah forget, a hipster is a friend indied.

by Adam Avramescu
first published in That Other Paper – Creative Commons Attribution NonCommercial NoDerivs 3.0 license
photo by Pierre LaScott / illustration by Adam Avramescu

“My favorite TV show is cocaine.”

Jusss’anotha week and it’s time for yr dose of tr00f. Lis’n up & haig’n out: Isssss this_weex’

HPSTR 4CST

* MySpace: In, tadalafil but only if you’re using it ironically.
* 100% chance of waiting too long for your coffee at Spider House.
* Mario is a sellout, drugs
but Luigi is totes indie.
* Totes are totes amazers.
* 30% chance of flaking the fuck out.
* Jeans tightness index: 37 microns per 1% body fat.

And donchuevah forget, medicine
a hipster is a friend indied.

by Adam Avramescu
first published in That Other Paper – Creative Commons Attribution NonCommercial NoDerivs 3.0 license
photo by Pierre LaScott / illustration by Adam Avramescu

“My favorite TV show is cocaine.”

Jusss’anotha week and it’s time for yr dose of tr00f. Lis’n up & haig’n out: Isssss this_weex’

HPSTR 4CST

* MySpace: In, prostate
but only if you’re using it ironically.
* 100% chance of waiting too long for your coffee at Spider House.
* Mario is a sellout, women’s health
but Luigi is totes indie.
* Totes are totes amazers.
* 30% chance of flaking the fuck out.
* Jeans tightness index: 37 microns per 1% body fat.

And donchuevah forget, a hipster is a friend indied.

by Adam Avramescu
first published in That Other Paper – Creative Commons Attribution NonCommercial NoDerivs 3.0 license
photo by Pierre LaScott / illustration by Adam Avramescu

“My favorite TV show is cocaine.”

Jusss’anotha week and it’s time for yr dose of tr00f. Lis’n up & haig’n out: Isssss this_weex’ HPSTR 4CST

* MySpace: In, medicine
but only if you’re using it ironically.
* 100% chance of waiting too long for your coffee at Spider House.
* Mario is a sellout, order
but Luigi is totes indie.
* Totes are totes amazers.
* 30% chance of flaking the fuck out.
* Jeans tightness index: 37 microns per 1% body fat.

And donchuevah forget, a hipster is a friend indied.

by Adam Avramescu
first published in That Other Paper – Creative Commons Attribution NonCommercial NoDerivs 3.0 license
photo by Pierre LaScott / illustration by Adam Avramescu

“My favorite TV show is cocaine.”

Jusss’anotha week and it’s time for yr dose of tr00f. Lis’n up & haig’n out: Isssss this_weex’ HPSTR 4CST

* MySpace: In, prostate
but only if you’re using it ironically.
* Mario is a sellout, case
but Luigi is totes indie.
* Totes are totes amazers.
* 30% chance of flaking the fuck out.
* Jeans tightness index: 37 microns per 1% body fat.

And donchuevah forget, a hipster is a friend indied.

by Adam Avramescu
first published in That Other Paper – Creative Commons Attribution NonCommercial NoDerivs 3.0 license
photo by Pierre LaScott / illustration by Adam Avramescu

1. “Give a fulk! Buy in bulk!” –Costo
2. “Wood to the last flop” –Viagra (Pfizer)
3. “We sing good things to fife” –Western Massachusetts Colonial Fife Chorus
4. “You’re not fully clean until you’re deloused-in-a-high-pressure-bleach-spray-fully clean” –The High-Pressure Bleach Spray Council
5. “Where’s the queef?” –QueefCorp, a division of Amalgamated Genital Flatulae Industries, Inc.

by Admiral Thaddius IV

1. “Give a fulk! Buy in bulk!” —Costo
2. “Wood to the last flop” —Viagra (Pfizer)
3. “We sing good things to fife” –Western Massachusetts Colonial Fife Chorus
4. “You’re not fully clean until you’re deloused-in-a-high-pressure-bleach-spray-fully clean” —The High-Pressure Bleach Spray Council
5. “Where’s the queef?” —QueefCorp, a division of Amalgamated Genital Flatulae Industries, Inc.

by Admiral Tap Dance

1. “Give a fulk! Buy in bulk!” —Costo
2. “Wood to the last flop” —Viagra (Pfizer)
3. “We sing good things to fife” –Western Massachusetts Colonial Fife Chorus
4. “You’re not fully clean until you’re deloused-in-a-high-pressure-bleach-spray-fully clean” —The High-Pressure Bleach Spray Council
5. “Where’s the queef?” —QueefCorp, a division of Amalgamated Genital Flatulae Industries, Inc.

by Admiral Tap Dance

1. “Give a fulk! Buy in bulk!” —Costco
2. “Wood to the last flop” —Viagra (Pfizer)
3. “We sing good things to fife” –Western Massachusetts Colonial Fife Chorus
4. “You’re not fully clean until you’re deloused-in-a-high-pressure-bleach-spray-fully clean” —The High-Pressure Bleach Spray Council
5. “Where’s the queef?” —QueefCorp, a division of Amalgamated Genital Flatulae Industries, Inc.

by Admiral Tap Dance

1. “Give a fulk! Buy in bulk!” —Costco
2. “Wood to the last flop” —Viagra (Pfizer)
3. “We sing good things to fife” –Western Massachusetts Colonial Fife Chorus
4. “You’re not fully clean until you’re deloused-in-a-high-pressure-bleach-spray-fully clean” —The High-Pressure Bleach Spray Council
5. “Where’s the queef?” —QueefCorp, a division of Amalgamated Genital Flatulae Industries, Inc.

by Admiral Tap Dance
advice
Copyright 2009″ width=”490″ height=”490″ />

by Todd Mein
doctor
Copyright 2009″ width=”540″ height=”540″ />

by Todd Mein

Creative Commons licensed - by Hank Ryan

Deniophobia – Fear of someone refusing your friend request
Omguhohphobia – Fear of dropping your iPhone in the toilet while texting and urinating
Packyourknivesandgophobia – Fear of being voted out of your job, view
relationship or family
Didyoumeanophobia - Fear of Googling yourself and receiving no results
Untaggophobia – Fear of appearing on the internet without your approval
Tweetophobia – Fear of speaking more than 140 words at one time
Salomonophobia – Fear of appearing in a sex tape
Flavoraphobia – Fear of someday being forced to marry Flavor Flav on television
Lolophobia – Fear of being required to communicate in acronyms you do not understand

by Jamie King