Creative Commons licensed - Attribution No Derivs - by Frank Vest
Let’s cut to the chase about all these “socialist agenda” accusations Conservatives are heaving at Obama. It seems to me that the same people screaming SOCIALISM! at every chance are the same showing up to church every Sunday after six-and-a-half days of being championship assholes.
The thing is, orthopedist these people believe with all their black, there spider-infested hearts that they will go to Heaven, online and the liberal vermin will all go straight to hell where they will burn for eternity with a devil who bares a striking resemblance to Hillary Clinton. Especially because that devil is always wearing pantsuits.
Anyway, every community needs some kind of economy, and heaven is surely no exception. You want to hire those angels on the corner to build a multi-million dollar mansion with tennis courts, a boat dock, and platinum-plated walls up there on that lush, 30-acre cloud that boasts panoramic views of Jupiter? Nope, sorry. Everyone gets the same cookie-cutter home in Heaven: a standard one-story with granite countertops and beige tile backsplash. Don’t even think of changing your showerhead to one of those massager ones — that wouldn’t be fair. Hungry? Better wait until the next meal time. Mmm, hope we’re having bread and lentils again!
That’s right: In Heaven, the wealth is shared and everybody is equal. Same house, same robe, same sandals. It’s essentially a socialist country. Imagine the look on Conservatives’ faces when they get up there and are handed a month’s worth of meal tickets and a yearly doctor’s appointment time scheduled 11 months in advance. Oh, but it gets better. In Heaven, there’s one supreme ruler, and you had better listen to him. What God wants, God gets. And if you’re not cool with that, you can go to hell, where it may be incredibly hot all the time, but everyone is working as hard as they can, screwing each other over whenever possible in order to make their own life better.
Sound familiar? Hell is just like America.
by Dennis Mueller
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by Todd Mein
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