Top Hat Tap Dance

Top Hat Tap Dance

Rant: Socialist Agenda Accusations

September 29th, 2009 · 6 Comments · rants

Creative Commons licensed - Attribution No Derivs - by Frank Vest

Creative Commons licensed - Attribution No Derivs - by Frank Vest

Let’s cut to the chase about all these “socialist agenda” accusations Conservatives are heaving at Obama. It seems to me that the same people screaming SOCIALISM! at every chance are the same showing up to church every Sunday after six-and-a-half days of being championship assholes.

The thing is, patient these people believe with all their black, spider-infested hearts that they will go to Heaven, and the liberal vermin will all go straight to Hell where they will burn for eternity with a devil who bears a striking resemblance to Hillary Clinton. Especially because that devil is always wearing pantsuits.

Anyway, every community needs some kind of economy, and Heaven is surely no exception. You want to hire those angels on the corner to build a multi-million dollar mansion with tennis courts, a boat dock, and platinum-plated walls up there on that lush, 30-acre cloud that boasts panoramic views of Jupiter? Nope, sorry. Everyone gets the same cookie-cutter home in Heaven: a standard one-story with granite countertops and beige tile backsplash. Don’t even think of changing your showerhead to one of those massager ones — that wouldn’t be fair. Hungry? Better wait until the next meal time. Mmm, hope we’re having bread and lentils again!

That’s right: In Heaven, the wealth is shared and everybody is equal. Same house, same robe, same sandals. It’s essentially a socialist country. Imagine the look on Conservatives’ faces when they get up there and are handed a month’s worth of meal tickets and a yearly doctor’s appointment time scheduled 11 months in advance. Oh, but it gets better. In Heaven, there’s one supreme ruler, and you had better listen to him. What God wants, God gets. And if you’re not cool with that, you can go to Hell, where it may be incredibly hot all the time, but everyone is working as hard as they can, screwing each other over whenever possible in order to make their own life better.

Sound familiar? Hell is just like America.

by Dennis Mueller


6 Comments so far ↓

  • David Weber

    Hahahaha!! Either this is true OR heaven is a mere projection of what people expect, want, or believe they have earned. (Those promised crowns, you know?) It’s amazing to me how many people prefer to hear about the coming King James Version’s “mansions” over the “rooms” of other translations.

  • mark

    Dennis Mueller,

    I dont understand the point of your blog. Is it just to mock Christians or simply show your ignorance of what the Bible teaches? The Bible teaches God will help those who help themselves. In fact, God says a man that cant provide for his family is worse than an infidel. Heaven is PURE socialism. Socialism will not work with imperfect humans because I dont know anyone that would do $20,000.00 worth of work if the government would give it to them regardless of how productive they are.

  • volde mort

    religion is stupid. man’s pathetic attempt to rationalize the world around him.

    i mean seriously. people thing they will get mansions in heaven? what the hell is wrong with people? that’s worse than 72 virgins. at least the muslim’s stick to their guns and follow their book TO THE LETTER. christians can hardly say the same.

  • noslot

    @ Mark. No where in the Bible (KJV or Hebrew) does it say “God helps those who help themseves”. What it does say however, is that you must put all of your faith in God, and He will supply your needs. Also, it mentions multiple times throughout that no man will ever be perfect, but must continually strive for a level of holiness that in near perfect.
    Also, for those who don’t know, no soul will actually live in Heaven. Post apocalypse, there will be a cleansing of the Earth, and a new CITY will be created where Jerusalem now stands, hence a New Jerusalem. No roads paved with gold, or windows of precious stones. Simple and reminiscent to the Garden of Eden

  • KellyFL

    The problem, of course, with Christianity is that you can be as big an asshole as you want to be and just ask for forgiveness and you get it.

  • Lee Miller

    Rant on, Kelly Girl!!

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