Turkey Ottoman
Goose Davenport
Duck Longue
by J.D. Smith
Alternatives to Chicken Divan
September 14th, 2009 · lists
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More Rejected Late-Night Talk Show Monologue Jokes
September 13th, 2009 · shortform
Don't touch that. It's filled with staph. | photo by Greg Dunham
Have you gotten this new book? “Why Women Have Sex.” To get the answer, sale 10,000 women were polled. But… all of them had a headache.
There’s a man in Thailand who’s keeping over 4,000 scorpions in his home as pets. 4,000 scorpions. The guy’s wife is fine with it until they start nightly rehearsals of “Rock You Like a Hurricane.”
They’ve found dangerous staph germs at five different beaches on the West Coast. Pretty shocking, really — I didn’t know they were already filming another season of One Shot at Love.
Sleep-deprived doctors in Australia have been told to just drink up to six cups of coffee a day to stay awake. Luckily Starbucks is already out with a solution: IV Drip.
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Dudes Eating (Hot) Dogs 2: The Revenge
September 7th, 2009 · dudes eating dogs
Creative Commons attribution share alike - by audrey_sel
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Breakfast at Your Door
August 30th, 2009 · other
Creative Commons licensed - by Oren Zebest
Knock, illness knock.
Who’s there?
Bacon.
Bacon who?
Bacon people is illegal, resuscitation you sick freak.
—-
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Egg.
Egg who?
Egg the cheerleaders — they’re all cunts.
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Rejected Late-Night Talk Show Monologue Jokes
August 23rd, 2009 · shortform
GourmetGiftBaskets.com set a new record for the The World’s Largest Cupcake by creating one that measured four feet tall. Officials double-checked to make sure it wasn’t just Danny DeVito covered in frosting.
At a Florida McDonald’s, human enhancement an employee’s daughter slapped a customer who complained about his food. Turns out the young lady was just trying to help. It was Take Your Daughter to Work Day, sickness and she thought he had ordered the McBitchslap.
Brett Favre has come out of retirement yet again — this time he signed with the Minnesota Vikings. “This is really, really, really, really good news. We should definitely keep talking about it a lot,” commented Michael Vick.
Over 600 firefighters and soldiers are trying to control fires around the suburbs of Athens, Greece that have been going on for days. The fires may have been put out sooner if they had been using water instead of baba ghanouj.
Whole Foods CEO John Mackey upset a lot of shoppers in favor of Obama’s health-care plan when he wrote an op-ed in the Wall Street Journal that criticized the plan. Bloggers called for a boycott of the grocery chain, but several were left with no choice but to shop at the store when they realized they were out of tofurkey and two-bite brownies.
by Hansel McRobertsworth
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